The guy I'm seeing really wants buttsecks. I had a bad experience and I'm now kinda freaked out by it. Any advice on getting over the phobia? Btw..I love your work, and as long as you promise not to post it, I'll tell you who I am.

I would suggest you be honest with him. Tell him exactly what you just told me. It's not that you don't want him to be happy, it's just that you had a bad experience before. To be perfectly honest with you, I don't do it for the same reason. I had a horrible lube mix up (warming lube is no bueno for anal) and since then, I refuse to do it.

Besides, if you give into him and you aren't really into it... it will just make for another bad experience for the both of you. If you really aren't comfortable with it, tell him, but ask him if there's anything else that he's into. Not being into one thing, doesn't have to destroy your sex life.

If he makes a big stink about it (no pun intended), maybe it's time to reevaluate your relationship.

Ask away...